Praying To No One
by tsuki1613
Summary: "It was something that was very private to him, something that he felt he had no right to be doing, but he did it anyway." Dean takes a walk in the woods, and Prays to one one, or does he? Explicit Rated M for a reason, spoilers for season 7


_Authors note: Wow been awhile since I actually wrote something… I have no excuses for that I'm just lazy I guess. But I'm back! And pissed about supernatural! How could they kill Castiel off like that!_

_Bad writers! Bad! I chastise you like I do a puppy! Bad!_

_Anyway… I'm writing this for a number of reasons. One I want to do something with Supernatural final y and I thought this would be a good way to start. _

_Two, I need your guys help again! I want to find a story I read along time ago, it was very good but I can't seem to find it! I'm pretty sure it was either a Dean Cas story or a Merlin Arthur, from BBC's Merlin. Its an Au story, were the entire land is one big desert, and either Merlin, or Cas is part of the tribe and is in training for something that is like a Shaman or something to that effect. And he has to choose a mate at this big ceremony thing, but the mate he wants to have is a fighter, (Either Dean or Arthur), but because he is not part of the tribe, but a loner the tribe saved, They cannot become mates, however When it comes time to choose a mate Cas/merlin Can not find their mate. It turns out that Dean/Arthur is his mate and sexy times ensue. _

_So if anyone knows this I will write you a fanfic of your choosing, as long as its one I know._

_That brings me to reason Three! At long last the Fic I promised the last person who helped me find a story I was looking for! He/She said that they didn't care if I wrote them one, but here it is!_

_And there's a special surprise at the end in my authors note, OK not really a "surprise" But something I think is awesome!_

_Disclaimer: Alas I do not own Supernatural, If I did Dean and Cas would have totally got it on by now._

Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head up towards the clear sky, breathing in the earthy smells of the forest around him, surrounding him, filling him with a sense of peace he hasn't felt in what feels like forever now. Sam was back at Bobby's cottage, crashed out on the couch, taking a much needed trip to dreamland, after the stunt the Leviathans pulled with their identities. Sleeping, what Dean hoped anyway, peacefully; safe in the knowledge that the world ounce again thought that they were dead. And hopefully not dwelling on Dean's betrayal.

Dean's heart gave a painful thump, the peace he had just felt washed under another wave of sadness, and hurt. His brother had not forgiven him, that much was obvious, but he was back, and Dean could at least be thankful for that.

He let out a shuddering breath and opened his eyes, trying to focus on the forest around him ounce again, trying to push back the flood of emotions again.

He was Dean freaking Winchester he did not "do emotions", the hunter told himself this for what felt like the hundredth time in just under an hour.

The problem, Dean reasoned, was that no matter how hard he tried to push the emotions to the back of his mind, lock the door and throw away the key, he couldn't. And the simple reason as to why, was because he was a human being. No matter how many times he tried to tell himself that he was better than his emotions that he could ignore them, hide them, bury them under liquor, sex, and hunting, they just found another chink in his armor, another way in. Dean couldn't take it anymore!

Sam had ounce again came to him and asked him, more like demanded, that Dean talk to somebody, to let someone in, anyone.

Dean had snapped back, and left, saying something about fresh air.

The thing was that Dean, despite what he told his brother on an almost daily basis now, realized that he did need to talk to someone. And that the only someone he could talk to, because he didn't _need_ to say anything to them, because they knew him like no one else ever could or would again, was dead. Probably decomposing at the bottom at that god damned lake.

Dean shifted the object he was carrying, making sure the precious material didn't brush against any of the branches blocking his path. Dean did not know were he was going, he was just walking, trying to hold off the inevitable. To hold off something he had been doing for weeks now when he was alone or when Sam was asleep.

Dean wasn't ashamed of what he was doing. He couldn't even call it embarrassment. It was something that was very private to him, something that he felt he had no right to be doing, but he did it anyway. Dean had tried to stop it, he did, but if he ever went to sleep without doing it, he was plagued by nightmares, worse than what he was used to, at least it gave him peace of mind, or as close as the green eyed hunter could get anyway.

Dean walked on for what could have been minutes or hours, the hunter was not sure nor did he have it in him to really care. Eventually the trees began to thin out just a bit, and he eventually came across a clearing in the otherwise dense forest. The half moon lit up a small pound that was fed by what Dean guessed was an under ground spring.

The clearing was beautiful; the stars sparkled in the clear night sky above, reflecting in the glass like surface of the water.

The pond was so close to the one that Dean had often visited in his dreams, the only peaceful dreams he experienced at the hands of an Angel. Because Dean knew that Cas had everything to do with the, what Dean named in his head, "Lakeside dreams", something that the Angel had invented just for Dean, to feel peaceful for at least one night.

Now void of the dreams since Cas had died, seeing something so close to, so undeniably _real_, caused Dean to break. To give into his emotions.

He collapsed there, at the edge of the water, and curled himself around the last thing he had of his Angel. The trench coat acted as a pillow for Dean's head, soaking up the tears he let fall free from his eyes. He buried his head into the material, letting it dampen the uncontrollable sobs racking his body.

He gave into his desire, his need, and began to speak between his sobs.

"Cas" He let the name turn into another sob before he began again, "I don't think I can do this anymore, Sam doesn't trust me anymore, and I just don't know what to do. I'm so lost, he keeps telling me to talk to him, or at least someone, but it's not what I want. I want to talk to you, because I don't have to say anything, because you knew, you always knew, without me having to utter a single syllable. God I miss you, you stupid child!" Dean screamed the last part into the coat, giving into the sorrow of losing his best friend for the first time completely.

Dean had been doing this since a week after Cash d vanished into the lake. He had spotted the trench coat at the bottom of his bag, and checking to make sure Sam was indeed asleep, had took the coat from the bag and sat staring at it for hours. Soon it had progressed to dean speaking softly, sometimes about what he was feeling, and other times just about his day. What kind of hunts he was going on, how Sam was doing, anything that came to Dean's mind.

He wouldn't consider it praying, but in his heart he knew exactly what he was doing. He was praying to no one. Because the man he so desperately wanted to speak to again, was gone.

Dean knew he had no right to do it. After all he was not praying to God, he was praying, or more accurately, talking to the man that betrayed him. That sent his brother into insanity, which let loose the beast's known as Leviathan. Yet Dean did not, could not, feel like he was betraying his brother.

Castiel had been his best friend, and something more. Something Dean only now realized, and regretted every day since not, telling his Angel.

Dean curled tighter around the coat, letting it finally slip from his lips quietly into the night, to be swallowed up in the forest air, "I love You Castiel, please come back to me." Dean's sobs had calmed at this point, only the tears remained, falling silently down his cheeks.

A sound echoed throughout the woods, a sound Dean at first connected to an owl taking flight in search of its pray, only to be proven wrong a second later when a warm hand curled around The hunters arm. A hand that fit perfectly with the scar that lay underneath his clothing.

"I could never leave you Dean; I love you to much too ever leave you alone."

Dean's heart doubled in speed at the sound of that rich tenor voice, a voice until just this moment Dean believed he would never hear again. The hunter felt a lump clog his throat as he slowly turned his head towards the voice, terrified that he had finally lost it and was hearing voices. That it was all a dream, that when he looked up he wouldn't see…

"Dean." His name on those lips he shivered, refusing to look any farther than he already had afraid, so afraid of what he might see, or not see.

"Dean" this time more urgently, then softer, "Dean turn around please." Castiel slowly applied pressure to the shoulder he had his hand on, forcing the hunter onto his back.

Dean looked up into the porcelain like face, the too blue eyes of his angel.

"Cas" Dean sobbed throwing his arms around the very real, very solid body, above him. He held on as tight as he could as the angel lowered him back to the ground, arms wrapped just as tightly as the hunters.

"Cas" Dean sobbed again into the Angels neck.

"Shh" the angel said softly, "I'm here now, it's really me Dean I promise."

Dean pulled back just enough to rest his head against the angels. He closed his eyes and did his best to calm down, to take in the weight of the body above him, to relish the closeness. There had always been something between them, slowly brewing and simmering. Something neither man, until this point acknowledge. They did share a "More profound bound" as Castiel always said. And Dean never had to ask what that meant, because he knew what it meant, but for a long time lay hidden in his very soul, until now. Now Dean was ready to take that leap, to push that boundary, they had set for themselves, to cross that proverbial line into reality. Into something finally _real._

Dean opened his eyes, only to be swallowed by and ocean of blue.

"Show me" the green eyed man said softly, "Show me that it's really you that I haven't just lost it. Show me that…" Dean gulped but maintained eye contact. The blue eyes softened into something Dean never believed would ever be directed at him.

It was something soft and tender, yet held so much love Dean felt the air leaves his lungs in one rush. He could only hope that his gaze showed the exact same thing.

The angel did not question Dean on exactly what he meant. Because the angel knew without an inch of doubt what his hunter meant, what he wanted, what he _needed_.

The blue eyed angel slowly touched his lips to Deans, in the chastest kiss the hunter had ever received. Yet the kiss held so much tenderness and love, the hunter could not stop the tears from falling again. This time not from sorrow but from another feeling, a feeling of such pure love, he felt he might faint. But he was Dean Winchester and he absolutely did not faint from a kiss.

The Chasteness of the kiss could not last long, not with the other feelings that started to course through their bodies.

Dean moaned and pushed himself into the kiss harder, slowly tracing the Angels lips with his tongue. Wanting to taste, Castiel opened his mouth without a second thought, meeting the hunters tongue half way with his own. Both men moaned deeply into the kiss as their tongues tangled together.

Dean pushed into Castiel's mouth tracing every inch, committing it to memory. Dean then entangled his tongue around his Angels and drew it into his mouth. Cas moaned at the taste.

Dean couldn't take it anymore he needed to feel The blue eyed man's skin as soon as possible.

He pushed the black coat off the angel's shoulders and tossed it away, not caring were it landed, to caught up in trying to remove the dress shirt underneath.

There were to many buttons he growled as he pulled back from the kiss, and ripped the offending material off the glorious body above him.

The hunter slowly sat up, moaning deep in his throat as his erection brushed tantalizingly against Castiels. The raven haired man gasped at the sensation, having never felt things like this before in all his existence.

The hunter smirked at the sound. He grabbed the mans hands and brought them up to his shoulders under the coat. Castiel got the hint and pushed the coat off the hunters shoulders fallowed by his shirt.

Dean openly stared at the broad expanse of skin in front of him, and slowly brought his hand up to trace the scar that Castiel had carved into his skin. Another reminder of what the angel had done for him.

The raven haired men shuddered at the simple touch, and brought his hands up to lightly at first, and then with more confidence trace the contours of the hunter's chest.

"Your beautiful Cas" Dean said, voice filled with aw. "Perfect even." The blue eyed man did not have a chance to respond, because as he opened his mouth to tell Dean that he was the beautiful and perfect on no him, it was swallowed by a moan of surprised delight as the hunter took a nipple into his mouth, letting his other hand play with the other rosy bud.

'Deannn" the angel moaned out as the hunter's lips moved up to his neck, suckling on the skin and biting softly to form a mark, of ownership over the angel.

"Mine" The hunter growled as he pulled back looking the angels in the eyes.

"Yours" Castiel whispered back, "Only yours Dean."

That was all the hunter needed before he started tugging at the angels pants.

Soon both men were naked Dean on his back, with the trench coat placed behind his head, and the angel on top of him. The explored each others bodies first with hands and then with hungry lips and tongues. Catiel slid slowly down the hunter's body until his face came into line with Deans hard member begging to be touched.

"Cas" Dean said softly as the angel slowly took him into his mouth. "Cas!" Dean moaned at the feeling of the wet heat slowly engulfing his member. Castiel moaned out his appreciation of Deans taste as he pulled his mouth to the tip and slowly licked at the slit, tasting the pre-come that had gathered there.

Dean bucked his hips at the feeling moaning low in his throat. He brought his hand down to the raven locks and pulled his face back up to his were he drew him into a passionate kiss, full of teeth and tongue. He then grabbed the angels hand and brought it to his mouth were he sucked three fingers in, staring at the angel as he did with such longing and lust, but with the underlying emotion of love, caused Castiel to moan.

Dean let the fingers go with an audible pop. "Want you in me Cas, please, need to feel you, need you."

Castiel nodded and lowered his hand to Dean's entrance slowly pushing in one finger, then another at Deans pleas for more. He began to scissor his fingers, in and out slowly, he went to add a third but the green eyed man stopped him, " No Cas need to feel you now please, I can't take it." He begged, with no care as to what he sounded like. He only wanted to feel the man he loved inside him sooner rather than later.

Castiel grabbed the hunter's hips and drew them around him as he lowly entered. " I Love you Dean" He said blue eyes locked with green, as he pushed in all the way.

The hunter screamed in pleasure laced pain as the angel sunk all the way in to his base.

"Move Cas plase, God, you feel so good in me plase move." The blue eyed man needed no further urging as he started a slow place, picking up speed as Deans cries grew louder.

"So tight Dean, I can't I'm not gunna last. " He moaned out as his thrust began to pick up in pace and strength.

" Oh God Cas there! Right Fucking There!" The hunter screamed out as his prostate was hit.

The Angel angled his hips to hit that spot dead with each thrust, he moaned deeply and grabbed his hunters erection, earning him another ecstasy laced scream.

The forest became filled with the sounds of the man's love making. The quiet punctuated with moans, and screams of pleasure, as each man reached their climax.

Dean lay gasping on the forest floor, his arms full of a sated angel. Dean placed a loving kiss to his angels head and finally breathed out he words he so desperately needed to say, "I Love You Castiel."

Castiel raised his head and gave Dean the biggest smile he had ever scene, a smile that made Deans heart rate double, and caused a warm and content feeling to spread through his body, I Love you too Dean Winchester.

Both men turned to look as the first rays of sun peeked through the treetops. All was quiet, as they both bathed in feeling of what just happened. And then the angel turned his striking blue eyes back to Dean and said, "You know you were never praying to no one right, I was there listening the whole time, even though I could not get to you."

And Dean felt his heart swell, as he pulled his love into his arms and held on, never wanting to let go.

_Authors Note: Well what do You guys think? Huh?_

_I hope you like it._

_And would you believe that that was the first Lemon I have ever written…Giggle…_

_Reviews are love, and make me smile!_


End file.
